Newport Buzz Emergency Broadcasting System: We have a missing kitty in the 5th Ward!!!

UPDATE: The fugitive has been apprehended and is serving time in a solitary confinement lockdown!


Alright folks we have a missing kitty in the 5th Ward near Houston Avenue.

Our fugitive has been on the run for 16 hours. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of…ugh, a shit ton! And this girl can run.

What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, boathouse, gatehouse, whorehouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up every 30 miles.

Your fugitive’s name is Calypso. She very friendly but definitely thinks she’s too cool for school.

Please call 917.992.3517 when spotted or found.

And GOOO!!!!