It’s time we built a wall between Rhode Island and Connecticut and we’re going to make Connecticut pay for it!
Ok. So let’s get caught up real quick. Back in early February, the old school media guys from Rhode Island and Patheticut got in a bit of a brawl.
Here’s what I wrote then:
This is absolutely glorious, Rhode Island and Connecticut, two of the highest taxed and lowest performing states in the union are feuding over which state is worse.
According to the Associated Press, the Hartford Courant (Connecticut’s old media dinosaur) wrote a scathing editorial after The Providence Journal (Rhode Island’s old media dinosaur which is known affectionately at the State house as as “The Providence Urinal”) published an editorial calling its New England neighbor struggling, and blasting its business climate as enormously difficult.
This is absolutely brilliant, two old media dinosaurs feuding over which shithole is the bigger shithole. I love it, this is basically arguing who’s the tallest midget. Never change old media, never change! Oh wait, you never did, that’s the problem.
Fair, balanced and unbiased reporting by me there, right? Enough to make my Journalism professors proud.
Anyway last week at some economic thingy-ma-jiggy something something, I’m bored even thinking about it, Rhode Island’s Governor Gina Raimondo had this to say about our neighbors to the west who are best known as the cut through to New York City.
Connecticut is “blossoming debt as far as you can see.” – RI Governor Gina Raimondo
And guess what, Connecticut! We’re only $10.5 billion in debt. So by my math you’re…um, let’s see carry the 3..umm SEVEN TIMES the shithole we are. So step off!
Anyway, the Hartford Courant took such major exception to our Governor’s truth telling that they are now threatening us in a new editorial titled “Rhode Island, Don’t Make Us Come Over There” and they went straight for the jugular.
Here’s what those muckrakers had to say about our poor little Rhode Island.
Forbes recently ranked it the 43rd worst state to do business. Connecticut was ranked No. 42. The states switched places from last year. How about that?
247WallSt.com agreed with the others about how dismal Rhode Island is for businesses, ranking it No. 44. Connecticut was No. 16. Why? Because, among other reasons, Connecticut “has one of the best educated populations in the country,” it said.
It’s true. Of the 25-and-older population, Connecticut residents are better educated. About 38 percent of Connecticut has a bachelor’s degree or higher, compared with 32.5 percent of Rhode Island, according to recent data from the U.S. Census.
Connecticut hasn’t been immune to corruption, but in Rhode Island, the corruption is the stuff of legend. We had John Rowland. You had Buddy Cianci. You win.
Wait, wait, wait, WAIT ONE GOD DAMN MINUTE! You want to talk about our roads? Fine! You want to talk about our terrible business climate? Be my guest. But how dare you attempt to disparage the Prince of Providence? Buddy Cianci is one of the greatest Rhode Islanders men to ever walk this land and don’t you forget that.
Question for the Hartford Courant people. Have you ever moved a river? Didn’t think so. Buddy did! You know who else could move rivers? Moses, ever heard of him?
So take your putrid New York Yankee rooting selves and go fix some pot holes on 95!
Yea, yea we could do the same. But guess what. We already know how to drive!
So PLEASE come over here if you must. Just head to the coin-op laundry on Federal Hill and ask for The Cheese Man DiNunzio, Good looking Matty Guglielmetti or Joe the Bishop Achille they’d be more than happy to welcome you!
Now youse can’t leave..
Cue the music!
Oh yea and PS – Before you all get up in arms for me writing shithole, CNN says it so I can too!