via Newsweek

Catholic Pope Francis made a startling revelation Thursday by stating that hell did not exist, in an interview with a leading liberal Italian newspaper.

In an article titled “It Is an Honor to Be Called a Revolutionary,” La Repubblica founder Eugenio Scalfari acknowledged the pontiff’s previous remarks about how “good souls” who sought repentance from God would receive it and then asked, “What about the bad souls?” Seemingly going against centuries of core Christian belief, Pope Francis said the souls of sinners simply vanished after death and were not subject to an eternity of punishment.

“They are not punished, those who repent obtain the forgiveness of God and enter the rank of souls who contemplate him, but those who do not repent and cannot therefore be forgiven disappear,” Pope Francis said, as translated by Catholic blog Rorate Caeli.

Good news, you sinners. Pope Francis has confirmed that Hell doesn’t exist.*

What an absolute bomb coming out of The Vatican just ahead of Easter Weekend. I mean, I’ve known this all along. Anyone with a critical thinking brain has known this. God loves us and would never let us burn n Hell, all you have to do is apologize and mean it.

So basically the new rules are there is no Hell, you just doing get invited to the party?

I can vividly remember being a young boy doing my time as an altar boy at St. Augustin’s Church and silently calling bullshit every time Father Carty threatened us with an eternity in hell for even contemplating treating our bodies like our own personal amusement parks.

Hell heck, I can even remember how angry he’d get because I’d never bothered the learn the words to the Apollo’s Creed. Basically, I hedged my bets. I knew all the words to God’s greatest hits. I can recite the hell heck out of the “Our Father” and I’m spot on for the first verse of the “Hail Mary.” It’s like being a casual Led Zeppelin fan, you know all the words to “Stairway to Heaven” (which according to the coolest Pope of all time still exists and your pets are allowed in too – pretty sure he only mentioned dogs so cats are still out) but only knowing a few of the words to “Immigrant Song” (note that is undoubtedly Trump’s least favorite Zep song.)

So live it up folks, eat meat on Friday, have all the “me” time you want, and feel free to wear condoms. You’re all good**

* pretty sure he is only speaking for Catholics. All the rest of you heathens with your fake religions are probably still going to hell.

** just don’t kill, rape, molest or steal because it doesn’t matter what your religion is, I’m pretty sure you’re definitely going to Hell for that stuff.

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Ugh, no Hell? Really??? Maybe this is one of the truths Pope Francis should have kept to himself like aliens and who killed JFK. Not sure we’re ready for this…

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Our Father who…

via GIPHY

 

Only Beyonce can save us now!

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via GIPHY

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