If you’ve wondered how Macaulay Culkin’s character Kevin McCallister made out over all these years, wonder no more. He’s back in a webseries from :DRYVRS and he’s pretty f*cked up. Apparently the trauma sticks around for bit when you’re left home alone for a week as an 8-year-old, just waiting to manifest itself in adulthood dysfunction.

“How about this, it’s Christmas time. It’s fucking Christmas and your whole family goes on vacation and they forget their 8-year-old fucking son,” his character says. “All by yourself, for a week. I had to fend off my house from two psychopath home invaders. I was just a kid, I still have nightmares about this bald weirdo dude chasing me around!”

“They remembered my bastard of a brother but they forget me—the cutest f–king 8-year-old in the universe, by far. My house was such a f–king zoo. I couldn’t even eat a slice of pizza without having to go to war or something like that.”

It’s just not Christmastime without watching Home Alone but I think I prefer this new version!

(This is the first episode of the new comedy web series :DRYVRS, created and written by musician, actor and producer Jack Dishel. The series stars Jack as an on-demand car service passenger and chronicles the strange drivers he encounters. The debut episode guest stars Macaulay Culkin as his driver.)